Before you begin...

This toolkit is designed to support families with trans teens by encouraging engagement with the experiences of transgender people and providing resources to foster healthy and productive conversations among family members.

This toolkit can be used in many different ways, depending on the specific needs and comfort level of the families you are working with. It can be used as a clinical guide to deepen your current work with families, as an intervention in therapy/support settings, and/or offered to families as tool to use on their own at home. If you are planning to recommend this to a family for use outside of your mental health setting, please refer to the MHP portion of this website to provide psychoeducation about how the toolkit can be used and then direct families to the family-specific portion of this website for at-home use.

Below, we’ve suggested some language that can be used to orient families to the toolkit’s use. Please note, this is the same language families will see when they navigate to the family-specific portion of this website:

Try exploring the site first either on your own or with your family. We encourage you to read the description for each video and look at the discussion guides to see if they ask any questions that you’d like to discuss with your family. If a video looks interesting to you, you can watch it on your own or with other family members, either at the same time or at different times. Some videos and discussion guides may be more or less helpful based on your family’s situation.

If the family you are working with has never spoken about gender identity or has experienced conflict or distress when issues related to gender identity or transgender people have been brought up in the past, this toolkit may not be appropriate for use at-home (without direct support and participation from an MHP in a clinical care or support setting). For many families, it will be important to provide psychoeducation about emotion regulation and distress tolerance skills and create opportunities to practice these skills in your setting before using the toolkit at home. Ideas for introducing these skills can be found on the Supplemental Resources page.

For some families, the toolkit may not be appropriate at this time due to safety concerns, accessibility barriers, capacity for self-regulation, or family-specific factors that could limit the toolkit’s utility or impact a family member’s experience of safety within the home. In these cases, you may decide to use this toolkit as a reference for engaging families on this topic in ways that are more appropriate to your setting and their level of readiness. Please encourage families to use their best judgement about whether they are ready to discuss the experiences of transgender youth and their families. If you are recommending this toolkit to a family with whom you do not work directly, please refer to them to browse the Resources page for ideas about how to connect with an individual, organization, or community that can support the family in using this toolkit.

Setting ground rules for creating safe and responsive environments can support families in using this toolkit more effectively. Below is an example of suggested guidelines for families to review prior to using the toolkit. Please consider using the language below, amending it to better suit the needs of the families you are working with, or offering your own guidelines. Ultimately, the goal of these guidelines is to promote communication about personal and interpersonal safety, to foster mentalization skills, and to support families in effective self-regulation during moments of cognitive and emotional overwhelm.

Before having a discussion with your family about one of the videos or topics in this toolkit, it may be helpful to set some expectations. Having a healthy family conversation can look many ways, and may not feel straightforward or easy. Here are some ground rules that may be helpful for your family. You can also create your own ground rules.

  • If something a family member says makes us uncomfortable, we will be careful to point out what about the statement made us uncomfortable rather than criticizing that person.
    • We agree to do our best to listen, without being defensive, when someone shares with us that we have made them uncomfortable.
  • We will use “I” statements whenever possible, rather than “they,” “you,” or “people” statements (see Supplemental Resources).
  • We will honor each others’ boundaries and preferences for family conversations.
    • Example: Neeki does not like it when people walk out of a room mid-conversation. We will do our best to honor this preference.
    • Example: Mahmoud often feels interrupted and wants people to listen to his full thoughts, even if it takes time. We will do our best to not interrupt him.
    • Example: Sam often rushes Tara when she is telling a story, which makes Tara feel like her perspective isn’t valued. Sam will be patient when Tara is sharing a thought.
  • We will not judge each other or call each other names.
    • Example: Aref grew up thinking of the word “queer” as a slur, and is very uncomfortable with his kids using the term. His kids call him “old-fashioned”. For these discussions, we will use identity words as appropriate, but will not call one another rude or old fashioned.

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