Before you begin...

This toolkit is designed to support families with trans teens by encouraging engagement with the experiences of transgender people and providing resources to foster healthy and productive conversations among family members.​

  • Eight brief videos created by trans young adults about their own family experiences.
  • Discussion guides paired with each video which provide suggestions for conversation starters or personal reflection.
  • Supplemental tools to help families prepare for or expand their use of this toolkit.
  • Resources for families with trans teens.
Click here to learn more about who created this toolkit.

This toolkit is designed to support families with trans teens by encouraging engagement with the experiences of transgender people and providing resources to foster healthy and productive conversations among family members. It can be used by families at home or in therapy/support settings with mental health providers.

What do we mean by “family”?

Family means something different to everyone. We encourage you to explore the toolkit and think about who in your life might benefit from using this toolkit with you. This toolkit was built with a diverse range of families in mind - please feel free to use this toolkit no matter what your family structure looks like.

This toolkit can be used in many different ways, depending on your family’s needs and comfort level. Try exploring the site first either on your own or with your family. We encourage you to read the description for each video and look at the discussion guides to see if they ask any questions that you’d like to discuss with your family. If a video looks interesting to you, you can watch it on your own or with other family members, either at the same time or at different times. Some videos and discussion guides may be more or less helpful based on your family’s situation.

If your family has never spoken about gender identity or has experienced conflict or distress when issues related to gender identity or transgender people have been brought up in the past, this toolkit may not be appropriate for you to use without the support of a mental health provider. We encourage families to use their best judgement about whether they are ready to discuss the experiences of transgender youth and their families. If you or your family encounters difficulties when using this toolkit, we encourage you to browse the Resources page for ideas about how to connect with an individual, organization, or community that can support your family in using the toolkit.

Before having a discussion with your family about one of the videos or topics in this toolkit, it may be helpful to set some expectations. Having a healthy family conversation can look many ways, and may not feel straightforward or easy. Here are some ground rules that may be helpful for your family. You can also create your own ground rules.

  • If something a family member says makes us uncomfortable, we will be careful to point out what about the statement made us uncomfortable rather than criticizing that person.
    • We agree to do our best to listen, without being defensive, when someone shares with us that we have made them uncomfortable.
  • We will use “I” statements whenever possible, rather than “they,” “you,” or “people” statements (see Supplemental Resources).
  • We will honor each others’ boundaries and preferences for family conversations.
    • Example: Neeki does not like it when people walk out of a room mid-conversation. We will do our best to honor this preference.
    • Example: Mahmoud often feels interrupted and wants people to listen to his full thoughts, even if it takes time. We will do our best to not interrupt him.
    • Example: Sam often rushes Tara when she is telling a story, which makes Tara feel like her perspective isn’t valued. Sam will be patient when Tara is sharing a thought.
  • We will not judge each other or call each other names.
    • Example: Aref grew up thinking of the word “queer” as a slur, and is very uncomfortable with his kids using the term. His kids call him “old-fashioned”. For these discussions, we will use identity words as appropriate, but will not call one another rude or old fashioned.

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